I have a harrowing crush on Ira Glass. I've listened to an immeasurable amount of This American Life episodes. About once a month, I become consumed again. Last night it started again.

Been fighting this cold. But waiting for the buses late night in 32 degrees is getting the best of me. This weekend for Stacy's birthday we're going to Seattle for the Heffner Management holiday party. I hope I recover a bit and don't find myself sneezing all over male models. Gross.

I don't get why the bars in Seattle have official holiday parties with dress codes and everything, and Portland has...nothing. I was thinking of trying to convince Mikey (Tube) to have a holiday party, and I'd help out with it all. But then I decided against it. He wanted to throw me a benefit, but I felt sorta weird about it. A holiday party is a decent compromise. But it's so last minute. All I want to do is stay at home anyways I guess.

The guy is pretty great. 6"4 and older with a great job (he pays for things wtf?) and a fun band. I can't really say more than that at this time. Weeeeee. He's been playing his cards very well, he's got my eye now.
x
n.

Oh man it's so great to not be a born again virgin anymore!

Yeah, unnecessary details. I've been dropping them all over the place this week. Sorry.

I recently found out my apt. building used to be an insane asylum. And then I lost it. Completely. I think I'm overdue for a trip to the pub. library. We'll get to the bottom of this (cause right now, I'm guessing the batshit crazy criminals were in my building, and not the one across the street where I'm guessing just slightly off balance family loved ones were put).

The last apartment building I lived in used to be a brothel. Everything around here has a dirty past.
x
n.

Tonight, after 3 long years, I finally have a sense of finality! Our Twin Peaks viewings concluded last week, and tonight I got to finish Fire Walk With Me at long last. 3 years. Seriously. 3 years! Not from lack of trying, but I couldn't watch Fire until I finished the series in its entirity. And seeing as how the DVDs for season two only just came out this year, I had to wait for us to view everything in sequential order. Basically 2 a week till we got to the end. Now I can sleep at night. Not really. But one can hope.

I am not one to glorify Lynch. Some of his work I adore, yes, but some of it I'm really not all that nonplussed by. I'm mostly just relieved to have the weight of Twin Peaks off of me.

Completely unable to shake this sleep cycle: bed between 7-10 A.M., awake between 2-5 P.M. Just can't shake it, as hard as I try.

OK maybe I do have something vague to say. Absolute worst week ever ever ever. I only talk to one person who is attempting to help me cope with the abandonment issues I'm experiencing since it looks like my best friend will never bother to talk to me/look me in the eye again. I seem to have a problem with absolutely everybody this week. I knew human beings were horrible self-serving... yada yada. I just never imagined that nearly every single person I knew would let me down in the matter of a week. So disappointed. In myself, too.

Well I said it. Maybe now I won't be so livid at my band meeting. I don't have the mental energy to deal with this constant influx of shit. I have too much weighing me down as it is and all I want to do is make it disappear completely and sleep for a year. I'm not as strong as I once was.

It has been a long time.

I'm trying to catch up on your e-lives, but it's a time consuming task.

So in the mean time ask me a question, any question, and I'll answer. Or tell me something, any something. Cause I have nothing better to write about and I miss this world.
x
n.

P.S. The lj Cat_macros community wins for the love of my life!

P.P.S. If anyone knows how to change your default language, please tell me. I can't get mine out of Italian, and the site seems significantly revamped since I last visited: I feel very lost.

I love the feeling you get when you drink too much coffee on an empty stomach, followed by smoking too many cigarettes for such a short period of time. I almost live for that dizzy and satisfied state, where everything swirls and my mind can just fly and be at peace with the obstructing lights and colors around me. It's like being high, but much better, because I can pull myself back into reality whenever I choose. Which is rarely. But still, the option exists.
x
n.

Livejournal is dead to me. So is Vox. I read your posts, but I've grown tired of the trivial and the mundane, hence my lack of updates. None of it is worth sharing.

Facebook is a hilarious battleground right now. There are 203,041 members in the "official" students against facebook news feed group.

This feature has only been available, what, 2 days? This just goes to show that college students are bored, loud, and good at networking. But in their defense, the news feeds are really invasive. Plus it is really trivial to read when someone has joined a group or added an interest. I don't need to know that mundane shit.

EDIT: In just 22 minutes we have gone up to 212,105 memebers. This is some serious business or something. Someone has even talked about writing a book about this! Jesus christ. I haven't laughed this hard in a while.

Let me put the rumor to rest: I am not going back to Eugene. No no no.

I am staying here and I am continuing with my band and making a life for myself. The parents have had some sense talked in to them, and though they don't seem interested in paying for my education out of their pockets anymore, they are OKing certain accounts for me to access to pay for school. I still need to find a job eventually and a new place to live in the next week, though.

But returning to Eugene is not an option, and I wanted to make that perfectly clear. You all are more than welcome to come see me in the city, and I really do encourage it, cause chances are I will not be seen in Eugene again anytime soon. I cherish a lot of my friendships in Eugene, I really do, but I can't handle that place anymore.

And Rebecca, Toni, and Martha...fantastic party tonight! I had an amazing time! Thank you so so much. One of the most defining summer events by far.
xoxo
n.

I just got 5 more Vox invites as well. Who wants 'em?
xox
n.

Who else has a Vox? I think I am officially switching over for a little while, it will be the media conglomerate I always knew this couldn't be. That and I've had livejournals for years, quite frankly, they are played out for me. If you have a Vox account please add me, my name is nlady. Also, if you are well versed in the ways of the Vox, I can't even manage to upload a photo, this thing is a bit confusing for me right now, so any help is very much appreciated. See you all on this thing from time to time, and hopefully in person more and more.
xo
n.

You all may as well write off the Belmont and Hawthorne area at large today, there is a giant fire across the street from me as I type, the apartment absolutely reeks of smoke. For the first time since I've moved here I heard the sirens from the firestation just a block away, followed by a nearly immediate fire smell. There goes enjoying the outside today, you'd have no idea if it was nice or not, I hope everyone is alright.

Dear world,

I've become a snivling crying girl these past few weeks and have been unable to conquer this disease. Nothing helps, believe me, I've tried. So run away from me while you can still escape the plague.

Godspeed!
Nancy

I finally realized Portland's one and only fault: ghosts. Everywhere you turn you see ghosts, you see people you don't want to see, can't face.

Tonight I scampered into a Plaid Pantry to get some Ben and Jerry's, Becca as my witness. The second I step my foot in I spot the guy I used to sort of date that works at Doug Fir/Stumptown, and I did an about turn and ran outside straight back to the car. Of all the fucking Plaid Pantries in this city, what were the odds that I would see him last in line in that one, so I would of had to stand next to him, talk to him. I've had three close encounters with him already since I've moved here, how much longer can I avoid the inevitable?

I know I should grow up and face my demons, destroy these ghosts. But fuck, I just, I don't know what to say. You can't change things, nothing will ever pacify what happened. I am willing to admit I'd rather run away than confront things. But I am so sick of nearly running into ghosts. Can't we just put them on a ghost island or something? Designate a part of the city for ghosts only? I don't know how many of these situations I can run away from with a chuckle and a smile, I've done it dozens of times already in my short time here. How much longer till I look them straight in the eye and let them see what they've done to me?

And to think I just decided I was finally ready to date around here. Apparently not, I can't get the one and only chip I've ever had off my shoulder. If running into the few ghosts I have is already a regular occurance, I don't even want to know what it will be like if I finally succumb and date around.

Ugh, it is so hot that I can't sleep. At all. I've gotten less than 3 hours and can't handle being in my room, it is well over 90 degrees in it right now. I need to find a place in my neighborhood with decent airconditioning because this is hell. I think my mattress is soaked in my own sweat, I know my pillows are. Too bad I scarfed at 3 in the morning or I would be taking myself out to breakfast. Ughhhhhh. I need some relief from this! I've never lost sleep over heat before ever, and I am from the bloody desert.

104 degrees? Really? What I wouldn't do for an air conditioner right now.

Holy shit! KIKI is going to be doing a whole fashion shoot for MF Magazine this weekend! http://www.specmedia.org/mf/

I am really really excited about this one. Sunday I did the hair shoot, but it wasn't anything like what this is going to be, though quite a lot of fun nonetheless. The hair for the Salon's booklet was time consuming, cut/color and 3 different blow outs plus make up takes approximately 10 hours with the length of my hair, I now know from first hand experience. I can't wait to get more details on the MF Magazine thing.

Still no job, still no purpose in life, just me figuring what the hell I want to put all of my energy into. Right now it is everywhere, you can't focus in when your energy is bouncing off the walls and taking off in opposite directions. I think I am done with the bassoon though. How did I manage to convince myself there was a future with that for so long? I was delusional. I'm embarrassed of it, of that strange talent. I'd just assume hide it, hide those years and years I dedicated to it. Which is just absurd, but really, I don't want to sit in an orchestra for the rest of my life and I don't want it as badly as a lot of other people who are more deserving than someone that just has this ridiculous talent for it and barely has to try. Never has had to try.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I kind of just want to go to fashion school, I want to design clothes and teach myself an actual (physical) trade. I know, more settled and lucrative than music, right? Not. I am even thinking beauty school. What the hell, right? So close to a college degree, and I've decided that isn't really what I want, or ever wanted. Who knows what I'll end up doing, but we know one thing is for sure: I'll have fun doing whatever it ends up being. There is no point to doing something you don't enjoy or find fun, I doubt I will ever do something I don't love.

I HATE TICKETMASTER SO SO MUCH!

I tried to get SK tickets for the very last show they just announced (again) for a half hour, called on the phone, everything. Emily sitting right next to me got through, and I did not. What the fuck. So livid. I sat online waiting waiting waiting and trying trying trying only to receive nothing. Fuckkkkkkk. I rarely try to get tickets this hard and don't get upset but I tried, I really did!

UGHHHHHHHH.

Why does Hutch from the Thermals have to work at the Stumptown down the street from me that I am always at? Everytime I go in there he stares at me the whole time, it makes me kind of uncomfortable. Next time I'll just have to give him a demo for a date or something. Provided he gives the demo to the right people, that is.

I was asked on a coffee date by a girl for the first time. Natural red head, oh yes. I think I am going to accept, her name is Adelle and she is adorable, very angelic. It's funny that I am far more interested in seeing girls than boys these days given the male attention I've been receiving. But their attention is false and very temporary for the most part, the females that are interested in me are in it for different reasons.

Today we tan by the water front. I am sure gelato is in store as well. And as for this evening, well, you never do know. Hopefully I'll hang out with Clara, she is the manager of the AA downtown and the sweetest cutest thing I have met since being here, and she lives two blocks away from me. I've met some great people in my few weeks here.
( A few shots I managed to steal from Thursday night... )

PILLOW FIGHT PDX IS TONIGHT! 8:30, Pioneer Square, pillows must remain concealed until the fights begin. Portland, let's make this happen again...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu9dG_1hIlc&search=Portland%20pillow%20fight